Tag Archives: psychology

The lengths men go

Yes, men like to chase women, and Yes women like to be chased.  Overstatement? Absolutely.  But some part of what I just said you all can relate to.  We’ve all chased or have been chased.  And we all love it and hate it at the same time.

I thought I really understood what it meant to chase a women until I saw this video — and I like the other 8,000 (literally) people that left comments on this youtube video were incredibly surprised!  I never knew someone would go to such lengths in the chase.

If I was going to write a blog post about why someone chased, I would have to write pages about men vs. women biology, natural selection, evolutionary process, and social psychology.  Alas, I’m not going to bore you with those details.  But I will say this.  Most of the time we all appreciate honest, straightforward communication.  The problem with a chase is that is implies a “catch” and few of us enjoy the feeling of being “caught” — so my comment is about the psychology of the chase.

Don’t think you’re chasing, and try to prevent yourself from feeling like your being chased.  Instead just understand that when one individual “likes you” they are going to try to express that.  This applies to men and to women. Judge them by what they do and what they say instead of worrying about the “chase” and the “catch”.

Stay hungry, but be honest and straightforward.  We will appreciate that.  Relationships, regardless if they are romantic or not tend to evolve organically otherwise they tend to fracture and have to reboot.  If you’re chasing or being chased, its difficult for that process to happen organically.  Thus try to your best to not push either party too hard — just be yourself and be around that person when the opportunity presents itself — that will insure the most organic process and thus the most natural result.  What gives me the right to give such advise?  Absolutely nothing, but this is my blog, so I get to say what I want 🙂

And as for the guy in the video — I’d say you can tone it down a bit 😉 She will get the same idea without you turning yourself into MacGyver, The Incredible Hulk and Sylvester Stallone in one video shoot.

a+b x (S – F)

In my pricing class, our professor today tried to explain a concept of conjoint analysis by explaining this equation:

Happyness in Marriage = a + b * (S – F), where S = The amount of Sex in a month, and F = The number of fights in a month.  A + B are constants, so for simplicity I will ignore them in this blog post.

This might sound insane, but I think this seemly crazy equation deserves some thought.  Ok, I know I’ve just pissed you off.  This is NOT what I’m advocating for, but it IS WHAT MODERN PSYCHOLOGISTS / MARRIAGE COUNSELORS think about.

What I”m saying is that if you are having a problem with your marriage and you go to a marriage counselor undoubtably one of the questions they will ask is “how much sex are you having?”  Its a metric that at least in modern science takes into account a lot of the things, that if you and I were to respond to the question we might say things like:

  • commitment
  • mutual respect
  • fun together
  • romance
  • doing service together

Which all together is some part of what our equation of love would be. The sum of those things, each weighed differently depending on the person, along with a number of other attributes.  The list obviously is infinitely flexible depending on your own personal preferences, but I think we’d all agree that few people would disagree with the above points.

A psychologist or marriage counselor isn’t discounting these things when they ask “how much sex are you having” They assume that if you aren’t having enough sex, that one or more of the above things probably isn’t working out.

The other part of the equation is S-F, where F = number of fights in a month.  So here modern science is saying.. hm…

1) so maybe you’re having a bunch of sex, but you’re also fighting a bunch too… so you’re not that happy.

2) Or maybe you’re not having much sex, but your not fighting either, so your neutral.

3) Or worse, you’re not having sex and your fighting a lot, so you must be unhappy.

Ideally they hope that you’re

4) having a lot of sex, and not fighting, as this would be indicative of extreme happyness.

Pretty funny the way science works doesn’t it.  We live in a world where we try to quantify everything.  Love can’t be quantified, but it can be measured.  Sex, Fighting, yah, its two parts of love. But if that was all there was, then I could be married to someone that I spent no time with besides having sex and this equation would tell us we are an ideal couple.  There are words for those relationships but I won’t name them here.  Point is that relationship wouldn’t do much for the couple, and would do even less for the world around them.

I love science, and there is A LOT of science behind love.  I’ll blog about some real science behind love a later day.  For now lets just agree that sex and fighting are two important things that we will all do when we’re married, (ideally more sex than fighting) but marriage is much more complicated than that…

the walk-by glance

What did he/she mean by that?  Have you ever been walking down the street, glanced at someone and they just kept looking forward pretending not to see you?  Have you ever just been gazing around and noticed someone looking intently at you?

Yes you have, and so have I.  There is a lot of subconscious thought that goes behind each of those thoughts.  Here are some examples:

1. Guy walks by and looks at girl, girl fidgets a bit and looks intentionally forward: maybe she didn’t notice the guy, but most likely she did.  You can just tell.  Nobody looks straight ahead for that long without blinking.  I’d say almost all of the time, unless we’re in a rush, we notice people that smile at us when we are walking by them.  So why doesn’t the girl look back.  Well, I dunno.  But one likely reason is that she is worried.  She is worried about how the guy will interpret that look, and what might come next…. Don’t worry! We’re just smiling!

2. Guy walks by and smiles, girl smiles back: She’s just being nice.  Even if you pretend she is doing more, and you approach her, she likely will just pretend that she was “just being nice.” Best move: Smile back, and hope you meet her again.

3. Guy walks by and gawks at girl: Guy is just being an asshole.  Ignore him. 🙂

4. Guy walks by and looks straight ahead.  Girl looks at guy.  OMG.  This is a rare occasion.   If the guy notices he is happy.  Last time this happened to him was when little cindy asked him to dance in the 3rd grade.  If he doesn’t notice, and the girl did it intentionally then the girl is probably a little upset.  Why didn’t he notice?  Jeez.  I was just trying to be nice.  Guys fault this time.

5. Guy and girl walk by each other, neither of them look at each other.  Neither of them smile. Maybe they are both busy, but they might have just missed their chance.  So smile next time, and hope to meet them again. 🙂

Media loves us

So i’ve been thinking some more about love today 🙂

I came home and cooked myself some pasta, and my roomate turned on the bachelor.  Its pretty amazing how many people watch shows like this.  Just as one point of reference, a single blog post from Jake — today’s Bachelor has >450 comments. Do we like drama?  Sometimes yes, but more likely when the subject has to do with falling in love.  This exists in every culture I have experienced — Latin’s most popular shows are telenovelas where men and women go through a series of acrobatic emotional acts in order to run after this thing we call Love….Indian’s don’t have the bachelor, but they have bollywood, and let me tell you — if you thought Hollywood has capitalized on Love, Bollywood really has taken it to the next level.  I’d say over 90% of movies produced by Bollywood are about love, and no not just a simple sex scene in the middle of a movie, but about two people trying to find love together, while not having a food fight at every other encounter.

The list goes one.  Love is probably one of the most prevalent emotions in media, and corporations have long understood the power of this emotion — Google recently showed the world that perhaps the strongest emotional response to a search engine would be “use google to find love”  Watch this years super bowl ad here

In short, next time you turn on the radio, flip through TV channels, or look at what is playing in the theater, take a look and see how many of those shows are about love?