Tag Archives: romance

Intuition. Love. The light on the wall.

As a child, intuition was like the lightbulb that pops up when a character gets an idea.   Some books talk about intuition and the difference between two parts of our minds.  Our rational mind and our emotional mind.  How do we get those light-bulb feelings?  Is that the same thing as a “gut” reaction?  There are entire books written about each word of each of the above sentences.  For those interested, How we decide, and Stumbling on Happiness are both good reads.  For the super enthusiastic, that want to learn about decision making and are willing to watch a short clip, I’d highly recommend this TED talk.

What we do know is that part of what makes us human is the ability for our brains to jump to a conclusion about something without really even thinking about it.  I look at you, and I know I’ve seen you, but I haven’t yet figured out how.   You ask me who sings this song, I tell you, but I can’t remember when I heard it, or how I know. Or, regarding love, you meet someone and you’re drawn to them.

What the hell does that mean anyways?  I’m drawn to them?  I don’t know but I love it when it happens.  For no particular reason, I know where the light is on the wall.  What do I mean?  Well let me tell you a little story.

There have been repeated experiments with intuition and decision making.  One of the better examples of the anomaly of intuition involves a blind woman and a flashlight.  A medically blind patient who cannot distinguish light from dark, is asked to face a wall.  The scientist shines a light on the wall and asks the woman to point at the light.  The scientist typically has to calm the patient down, explaining that no they are not trying to offend them, but they would like them to try to find the light.  Want to know what happens?  The blind patient finds the light.  Not every time, but more than what is left to chance. (statistically significant)

Whats the point? How does this relate to love? Love is like intuition.  We don’t know why it happens, but when it does we can spot it from a mile away.  A blind person could spot it on the wall.
We’ve all heard the magic of marriage.  “you will just know when its right.”  What?  How will I know?  When will I know?  We don’t like this answer — it feels like leaving one of the most important things to us up to chance.  “It’s ok honey, you’re time will come.”  Right, Ok.  I agree it’s not just chance, we have to work at it.  But point is, we work for an indefinite amount of time until “the time is right.”  What happens at that moment?  For one the universe has aligned in your favor, and all of the Gods are blessing this moment.  For another, your gut is just telling you so.

  • “This one is a keeper.”
  • “I know you’re scared, but dammit, stick around, because this might be it.”
  • “Put yourself out there.  Love is worth it.”

You’re probably also fiddling with your hair, or if your a guy, your leg might be bouncing up and down.  Some people’s palms get sweaty.  Sometimes we blush.  Sometimes we just stop talking altogether because someone just stole the air from our lungs.  Maybe we want to run away.  But we’re happy.  We want to dig deeper.  Our gut tells us so.  These physical reactions are in fact our biological response to our gut telling us so.  This is the language of our gut when its talking about love, or at least interest.

We get a flurry of thoughts where our intuition, our instincts, our gut is just telling us it’s right.  For those of you who have found it, congratulations.  Hold on tight, because from what I’ve heard you’ve just finally reached the roller coaster and the ride is about to start.  For those who are still looking, don’t worry, I promise you, what will come will come.  OK, thats not that big of a promise, but I can say that if it is what you want, you are highly likely to find it.  Its just odds.  Half of the world is man and half of the world is woman.  You are beautiful, and you will find someone who agrees with me.  Your job is to be patient.

Stay hungry.  Follow your heart.  Listen to your intuitive mind.  Love will follow.

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Should we blush on Valentines Day?

In a short word-of-mouth survey I ran on V-day with my friends, it seems that about half of us like V-day and the other half do not.  There seems to be this conflict of “why do I have to show love just because America tells me so vs. I want to do it, regardless of whether its V-day or not.”

I’m going to take it a bit further.  I’m an advocate of Valentines day.  Yes, it hurts a little when I don’t have the ability to express love to someone else on V-day (i.e. I’m single), but I know that if I wasn’t single, I’d be super excited about the idea.  Ok, I’ll also admit that there is a bit of pressure to “impress” on V-day.  To go that extra mile, and I can feel that pressure.  But you know what else, its worth it.  If you really love someone, its going to be worth going that extra mile.  You will love doing it, and they will love that you did it for them.  They will love you back for it.

We have lots of days we celebrate in America.  We celebrate football.  We celebrate our presidents.  We celebrate our parents.  We even celebrate weird traditions like Halloween.  I’m damn happy we celebrate the most important thing to all of us — LOVE!  I think love deserves a bigger and better celebration than any other day.  Today we call it Valentines Day.  It’s opportunity for us to express that word to another in a form that is comfortable to us.  So perhaps its the “form” that upsets us — America telling us what “form” Love should be — how it should be expressed: “flowers, fancy italian/french dinner, chocolates, etc.”  Yes — that is kinda lame — it could be romantic, but only if that is “you” — if you are conforming to America and expressing love in the way they would want you to, because your too scared to express love in the way you naturally would, that is lame.

So cheers to the day of Love.  To the day when we work to create a smile.  When we put a little thought to remind ourselves how much we like love, and we like loving.  When we do something special with someone else.  Is it lame that everyone else is doing the same thing on the same day?  Personally, I don’t think so.  I think its great.  You know when a goal is scored on a soccer match and everyone just immediately starts screaming, and so you feel that amazing “GOOAL!! — get out of your seats and start jumping” vibe?  That happens because everyone else is also screaming.  It isn’t nearly as exciting watching it on TV from your home specifically because you’re not around that vibe — because you can’t “feel” the screams.  V-day is an attempt to create that same sense of excitement around Love.  That requires a movement involving a lot of people, and thats why on V-day we all do it, and for some of us, appreciate it.

Maybe we’re not doing a good job of creating the right vibe in this country, and maybe that what we should be getting grumpy about, but I’d say, if that upsets you then get out there and start changing it.  Get out there and create your own vibe.  Get out there and do your own love.  Get out there and tell your special someone that you Love them in the way that feels most natural to you.  

Happy Valentines Day.

The lengths men go

Yes, men like to chase women, and Yes women like to be chased.  Overstatement? Absolutely.  But some part of what I just said you all can relate to.  We’ve all chased or have been chased.  And we all love it and hate it at the same time.

I thought I really understood what it meant to chase a women until I saw this video — and I like the other 8,000 (literally) people that left comments on this youtube video were incredibly surprised!  I never knew someone would go to such lengths in the chase.

If I was going to write a blog post about why someone chased, I would have to write pages about men vs. women biology, natural selection, evolutionary process, and social psychology.  Alas, I’m not going to bore you with those details.  But I will say this.  Most of the time we all appreciate honest, straightforward communication.  The problem with a chase is that is implies a “catch” and few of us enjoy the feeling of being “caught” — so my comment is about the psychology of the chase.

Don’t think you’re chasing, and try to prevent yourself from feeling like your being chased.  Instead just understand that when one individual “likes you” they are going to try to express that.  This applies to men and to women. Judge them by what they do and what they say instead of worrying about the “chase” and the “catch”.

Stay hungry, but be honest and straightforward.  We will appreciate that.  Relationships, regardless if they are romantic or not tend to evolve organically otherwise they tend to fracture and have to reboot.  If you’re chasing or being chased, its difficult for that process to happen organically.  Thus try to your best to not push either party too hard — just be yourself and be around that person when the opportunity presents itself — that will insure the most organic process and thus the most natural result.  What gives me the right to give such advise?  Absolutely nothing, but this is my blog, so I get to say what I want 🙂

And as for the guy in the video — I’d say you can tone it down a bit 😉 She will get the same idea without you turning yourself into MacGyver, The Incredible Hulk and Sylvester Stallone in one video shoot.

Media loves us

So i’ve been thinking some more about love today 🙂

I came home and cooked myself some pasta, and my roomate turned on the bachelor.  Its pretty amazing how many people watch shows like this.  Just as one point of reference, a single blog post from Jake — today’s Bachelor has >450 comments. Do we like drama?  Sometimes yes, but more likely when the subject has to do with falling in love.  This exists in every culture I have experienced — Latin’s most popular shows are telenovelas where men and women go through a series of acrobatic emotional acts in order to run after this thing we call Love….Indian’s don’t have the bachelor, but they have bollywood, and let me tell you — if you thought Hollywood has capitalized on Love, Bollywood really has taken it to the next level.  I’d say over 90% of movies produced by Bollywood are about love, and no not just a simple sex scene in the middle of a movie, but about two people trying to find love together, while not having a food fight at every other encounter.

The list goes one.  Love is probably one of the most prevalent emotions in media, and corporations have long understood the power of this emotion — Google recently showed the world that perhaps the strongest emotional response to a search engine would be “use google to find love”  Watch this years super bowl ad here

In short, next time you turn on the radio, flip through TV channels, or look at what is playing in the theater, take a look and see how many of those shows are about love?